Mama Said They're Be Days Like This
- Camarie Roorda
- 2 days ago
- 6 min read
We all have rough days. Sometimes its literally getting bucked off a rank one, falling off for a silly reason or face planting in the goat tying. Other times, it's outside the arena in our head or with other area of our life not going as planned or desired.
I'll be honest, this topic is pretty raw for me right now. Yesterday was one of those days where I couldn't stop fighting my head. I felt like giving up on myself, my horses, everything I've worked for, etc. In other words, I was throwing myself a full blown, sucker in the dirt, pity party for one. If you've followed the Performance Pony Company at all, you know that is NOT normal over here.
I knew it wasn't normal too. I'd think a thought and know it was ridiculous and not true, but I'd still dwell on it. I was wallowing in everything I could. Luckily, I've lived enough life to know that there was another side to this. I'm not crazy, I'm not actually going to give up and there are a few tools to get to the other side of these feelings.
So, if it's an embarrassing moment in the arena, or a tough day where the weight of the world feels too heavy, here are a few tips that have worked for me in the past. for managing the "days like this."
ACKNOWLEDGE THE SUCK
Don't sugar coat it. Sometimes we have thoughts that suck! It doesn't make them true, but even if they aren't true, they can make us feel crappy. In my experience, acknowledging those thoughts allows me to sort through them if they're true or not true.
Stay in the moment...FOR A MOMENT. I'm guilty of shoving my instant reactions of frustration, anger, embarrassment and fear down and covering it up right away. Plaster a smile on your face and everything is okay, right? Not so much. For me, those emotions had a tendency to resurface at a later date when they really had no merit. So now, I give myself a little time to acknowledge the feelings before moving on so I deal with them instead of suppress them.
GET CURIOUS
One thought at a time ask yourself, "is it true?" Generally, 90% or more of the negative thoughts we have aren't true anyway. Sort through your thoughts one at a time and eliminate what's not true. Anything you come up with that IS true, well, now you know what you really need to work on.
If your a parent or a coach, you can help them sort through asking the same questions. Don't answer it for them, let them sort through it. Give them the space to be authentic without judgement and don't take it personal. If you want them to be able to talk to you and be honest, they need the space, time and grace to do it.
Once they're done, sorting through some of the mess going on in their mind, you can kindly ask, "do you want to know what I think." If they're open, then you can offer your thoughts. If they're not, DO NOT! They'll come to you in time.
CONTROL THE CONTROLLABLES
Did something happen that you could have controlled?
Did you warm up like you were supposed to?
Has your pony been trying to tell you they were unhappy? Have they been swishing their tail, shaking their head, stepping off their turns, coming out of their stops or acting up in unusual ways? Maybe it's time to schedule a chiropractor visit. This is true for humans too!
Could it be as simple as a different bit? Have they been getting sores or white spots where they could be getting pinched or sored from the saddle or cinches? Are your reins too long? www.performancepony.com
So often we keep doing things the way we've done them just because it's how we've always done them. In the meantime, we have progressively gotten worse and we just try to muscle them through it instead of making the necessary adjustments. Now, don't get me wrong, there's a time for some tough love, but we need to eliminate some of the things we can and control what we can. Do the hard thing thing you can control. It's easier than fighting it and ending up in a predicament!
BREATHE & WIGGLE
Take a few box breaths counting to at least 4 on the inhale, hold for 4, exhale for 4. If you naturally take deeper breaths try counting to 5, 6 or 7. Just make sure they're long inhales, hold, then a long exhale.
At the same time, wiggle your fingers, toes and rest of your body help shake out and tense, negative energy out of your center.
Do it together. A parent, coach or friend can completely change the energy of the rider by how they react to situations. No matter if it's a split second buck off or energy that's been built up for weeks exploding like fireworks in their brain, calmness is contagious.
WRITE ABOUT IT
We can also use this method when we've done really well and we can't contain our excitement! While we certainly want you to celebrate with others, there's a fine line where it turns into bragging and boasting. Writing about it allows us to celebrate the feeling without getting too carried away around others. Writing it down also serves are a reminder in the future when we need a pick me up!
FIND THE GOOD
There's always something to be learned. It's likely that a series of events led to this day. Take some time to look back and see what adjustments you can make in the future.
Maybe it is just a fluke deal and you can chalk it up to learning how to deal with your emotions. Either way, they're good lessons to learn!
Tough times build relationships. Look around and see the person or people you have that helped you through it! We are blessed.
Parents/Coaches: Don't find it for them. Showering someone with goodness when they're feeling down is usually comes out annoying. What you can do is ask questions that guide them towards the good. i.e. How was your first barrel? What about your horse in the box? What did you think of your hand placement?
HAVE GRACE & PRAY
We are so hard on ourselves. Sucky things happen to everyone from time to time. Give yourself some grace and allow yourself to let go of control.
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
I believe this includes being kind and compassionate towards yourself and forgiving yourself.
"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." - 1 Peter 5:10
Give it up to God through prayer. Be it 30 seconds and you have to get back on your pony or a days worth of explosions, ask God to lead you through it, then LET HIM!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition.
Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us to present our requests to God with thanksgiving, trusting in His peace that surpasses all understanding. When we allow God to take the reins of our lives, we exchange anxiety for peace through prayer and supplication. Let's embrace a spirit of gratitude as we let God's peace guard our hearts and minds. https://marisadamore.com/
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."
James 4:7 calls us to submit to God and resist the devil, knowing that when we draw near to God, He draws near to us. By surrendering our will to His, we invite His guidance and protection into our lives. Let's stand firm in faith, trusting that as we yield to God's leadership, He empowers us to overcome every obstacle. https://marisadamore.com/
CAGE THE MONKEYS
One last thing to consider if you feel like you or your rider are reacting stronger than normal, is are there monkeys running wild inside? In other words, are their hormones raging? We all know that boys and girls both have hormones that rage out of control sometimes. It can take years to identify when overreacting is being triggered by hormones taking over.
If this might be contributing to your reactions, have grace for yourself and those around you. Get curious and allow yourself to learn new techniques to put those wild things back in their cage!
These are some tips on how we handle "days like these". We'd love to hear any suggestions you have as well! If we can help with equipment or coaching, please reach out to us at www.performancepony.com | performance.pony@gmail.com or call/text 641-799-5042.
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