Complete Yourself First

I wrote a letter to my 3-year-old niece yesterday.

In it, I included things about how old I was, what I do and what season in life I was in so she could have some context.

If she takes anything from my letter and the advice I gave her, I hope she takes to heart, “be happy with yourself before trying to ‘complete’ yourself with someone else. To be strong in your core values and morals and know what you believe in before you blend two lives together.”

Now, I don’t mean that there won’t be a time to adjust, shift or compromise here or there. But our core value system is such a strong part of who we are and, at this point in my life, I can confidently say it’s worth waiting until you find someone who aligns with you.

When I was asked at my bachelorette party this weekend what my favorite thing about John was, my answer was, “that he loves me for who I am and doesn’t try to put me in a box or ask me to be someone I’m not.”

Before John, before I was confident in who I am and what I want in life, I allowed myself to be pushed towards some boxes in relationships. I allowed myself to stop living big or dreaming big. I started playing into the vision the other half had for their significant other like a house wife, a 9-5er, a stay at home mom, etc.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those lifestyle choices or those wants of a significant other, except that, they weren’t me!

Luckily, it usually didn’t take me too long to realize, this wasn’t going to work. It was nothing against the other person, it just wasn’t who I was. God didn’t make me to be that way and trying to force it, only made everyone uncomfortable and unhappy.

As I reflect back on my “time before John,” I’m thankful for all the lessons, but most importantly the last 5 years that I was 95% single. Yeah, I dated here or there, but only had one committed, short-term relationship.

That was the time that I really found myself. The time that I traveled. The time that I found God. The time that I tested myself and developed MY core values and the kind of person I am and I wanted to be.

Now that I’m here, exactly two months away from marrying this man, it was 100% worth the wait. Worth the trials, the wrong turns, the reroutes and the wish I never wouldas. Every single lesson has made me a better person and prepared me to be with my true person. There were certainly times I wanted to force it, I wanted someone now, but God knew what was right.

He led me to my waiting season and in His timing, God placed the right man in my life. The one who loves all of me, the strengths and the weaknesses and the little quirks I used to be embarrassed about. The one who stands beside me, not in front or behind me. The man who wants to see me succeed as much as I want to see him succeed. The one who wants to work with me, growth with me and go to church with me. The one who listens and laughs with me. The one who shares the same ethics and morals. The one who I can handle him not putting his clothes away all the time.

Some people find that person right away, others it takes time. My plan was to be married with a couple of kids right now, but God’s plan was for me to have a stronger relationship with him first so I could be a better human and a better wife and, hopefully, someday raise better children.

At 31 years old, I can say again, even though is the most used statement and really annoying at the time, “it’s worth the wait.”

If you’re still searching take the time to really get to know yourself. Take the time to travel, go out to eat, go to church, shop, live and learn by yourself. Join a group, get involved and find the things YOU love to do. Most importantly, put God first and he will place the right person in your life at the right time. Together you will be able to conquer this world and make a positive difference for His purpose!